I can’t begin to describe how much I hate turkey. Especially
that whole deal with the cadaver ~ carcass and all. So come Thanksgiving time
I have honey-glazed ham whenever I can. Maybe a roast beef or prime rib
w/rice pilaf and stuffing with some salads on the side. Mashed potatoes,
grilled veggies, pasta salads.
Fruit salads. Potato/macaroni salads.
Bean salads. Greens. Slaws.
Salads salads but no turkey. No turkey!
I can’t get over the sight of that thing sitting there on that
cutting board naked with no head and the neck skin lookin’ like thick white
humiliated foreskin. Wet meat full of pluck holes. Turkey neck gizzards.
Save the
bones for stock.
Fuck you!
I’m not keeping a bunch of dead bones in my fridge. I’m not Jeffrey
Dahmer. You must be smoking crack. Filthy ass dog shit bird.
How about when you stuff that son of a bitch? It looks so perverse
with an arm up its ass shoving bread crumbs and dried cranberries in it.
Meanwhile your knuckles are shamelessly grinding around on its ribs.
By the way, milk sucks too.
So does fish and tofu in any of its creative manifestations.
Fried eel, Ceviche, horse mane and frog leg soup.
Tongue sandwich blt. Bacon lettuce tongue.
Myself, I prefer the sexual version.
Mondongo ~
what a crock o’ rubbery shit. So is cau-cau, menudo and abalone.
Oysters and calamari chewing me up a workout.
Bok choi
Kim chi
Wasabi sizzling tongue lessons for the non-milk drinker.
Turdunkin?! ~ now that one’s just looking for attention.
Caviar. Classy? Maybe.But sticky fish eggs nonetheless.
Oxtail soup smells like seasick oxstale fart.
Sheep’s milk, sheep’s head smoked. Goat cheese pizza. Rattlesnake
skewers.
Moldy blue cheese
and ostrich burgers?! ~ what are they thinking?
And of course
fuck shark steaks.
Chicken livers, especially when they’re surreptitiously hidden in
one’s dinner plate!
My mom for one reason or another would slip me a chicken liver
whenever she made arroz con pollo. She knew I hated them but she always had to
hide a couple under my rice or something. I think maybe she secretly got some
sick kick from watching me gag on the little nugget.
Blood sausage. Blood soup. Pig blood pudding.
Pickled eggs. Chicken fried squirrel.
Soy milk and haggis. Bbq quail.
Duck . . .
any greasy way you cook it.
Lobster. Butter or no, ‘cause I know there are some sick individuals
out there that eat it w/ketchup.
Venison steaks. Bologna
and croc sausage.
Curried goat?
Llama roast. Elk jerky and lion stew. Rocky Mountain oysters? Nope, nope,
nope, nope.
Beaver chili ~ deep fried raccoon. Insect foods and rabbit
casserole.
Sardines.
Pepper-crusted kangaroo loin.
Bear steaks? Gimme a break!
And what’s this squab shit I’ve been hearing about?
For Christ’s sake.
Victor Millan
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